Yeah, Really …
Talk about grateful … and relieved and even a little sad .. (this last one is temporary!) …
Just two days ago, I had a most unlikely (but happy) event occur. For no particular reason, a pilot near me and I started to talk. It began benignly, but out of the blue .. and I can’t even say I really realized it until later in the conversation, but we just “clicked”.
The conversation was real, not forced, not “oh, we both work here, let’s be polite.” It was quickly familiar, like he was my brother that I could trust with my innermost thoughts (I know, I know, it sounds dramatic … but seriously!!). We just babbled on until the job interrupted and I could tell, like me .. he was pleasantly surprised and a little disappointed we couldn’t sit under a tree or on a mountain or a dock and yack about anything and everything for awhile. Totally random and awesomely incredible..
The VERY BEST thing about this was that I woke up to that feeling!!! Somewhere inside a voice yelled — Oh my God .. thank you!! I’d forgotten how it felt to feel comfortable and safe (if you will) and completely understood. WoW. You know what I mean? You know when you have an opinion, or an idea and because you don’t know the person you’re talking to well .. you kind of make sure it’s put in politically correct jargon? Heck, even if it is someone you know .. but they don’t ‘get’ you .. so you have to over explain, or even just know you’re being judged by them anyway …. Well, this was NOTHING like that. This chat among strangers who must know each other from another life .. (because, how else do you explain this?) .. was shiny and real and honest. And such a flippin relief!!!!!
I really had come to the conclusion that I wasn’t made to have someone in my life that I could ever feel that way with. I had given up .. Now that I think about it .. I have even lately, been thinking how unfortunate it is for people to be with someone who doesn’t get them (you) at all. They think they love you and tell you so … but then they lie .. and hide things and wonder why you are disconnected? But even before you knew they lie and always judge (even in their own automatic but probably non-premeditated way), and don’t really even know you … you may not have even known how important that all really was/is. So, you wonder … how many people out there just jumped on the relationship wagon without even being smart enough (not fair maybe, but that’s it, in simplest terms … maybe unaware is more ‘pc’ .. 🙂 ) to choose well? Were we just in a hurry? Or were we just physically attracted to someone so failed to wait for, watch for .. demand all the rest?
That’s a question for the ages I suppose. I am just thankful and a little trepiditious now of the realization that ..hey .. Millie, this does exist!! For you too!! I have to admit, last night and again this afternoon, I cried because that comfort and safety and knowing that it’ll always be “ok” because you have that other person, your lobster and partner for life … is still just out of my reach .. for now, I know it’s possible … and I finally am old enough to know that THAT is what life is really about.
I can make do even if this feeling never slides into my sphere again … but after my drive in the rain with the music I used to be twirled around to thundering through my speakers … the sun shone … and I knew … It’s allllll good. Whew!
Yes, of course this story of happenstance was accompanied by a lovely little Red. This is from Distant Cellars a Red Wine Blend from Fiddletown (great name right?!), Amador County, Cali — and is a Tribute wine for the National Fallen FIre Fighters Foundation. Click the link if you would like to support their cause .. (it’s a fantastic one that really benefits the FireFighters!) .. or of course, you can buy and enjoy the wine! 😉
I vote for the ^^ 2nd option ^^!